i hate that site..its like every vagina you dont wanna see
I just realized that "Hey girl, when you gonna let me tap that?" is in iambic pentameter. I'm going to write a poem...
she called my cock the "semen sword" and then we invented a position called excalibur
Well now I have my semen on her headphones
Let's just cut to the chase. I'm not interested in anything romantic but I aAM interested in Tom Petty and maybe getting high and fucking you again for old times sake.
I'm promising sexual favors in return for his responsible life decisions. Now THIS is growing up.
They called me at 5 AM saying they had a present for me
I don't know which part of you thought this was funny but it's fucked up to wake up in that much fluff and now we don't have a couch. Fuck you.
I just got breakfast in bed and he went down on me. And you though he was a bad idea. Shame
How much weight does it take to launch a cat using a trebuchet vs the tension required for a catapult?
I've never been so excited to have my ass in so much pain.
Too bad I can't un-pee in his body wash
I am available for nakedness
plus like he's kinda a piece of shit. a beautiful somewhat talented piece of shit that hella needs to get his life together
She fucked a bartender in a closed Applebee’s and has the nerve to call me easy
Randomize
