good news, i'm not pregnant. bad news, i had sex with ***** last night and i think i'd rather be pregnant
if she mentions anything about chili and my phone, just go with it
Since when do you wear a bracelet?
Not a bracelet. Half a pair of handcuffs
dude she snuck out while I was still sleeping then was banging on the door 10 minutes later cuz her car was brokedown. how was I suppose to recognize her??
Rick Santorum just suspended his campaign. Lets celebrate by watching gay pornography together.
Either I'm deep cleaning my apartment out of severe academic procrastination or I'm subconsciously nesting and need to take a pregnancy test.
I need a Jamo leash. Just tie it to my wrist and every time you see me reaching for a shot of it, just yank my hand away
So my dealer asked me if I wanted to join his circle because we smoked so much this summer he thinks we're dealing
The other night I NICELY told her she looked like Jack Sparrow
But break dance skills will only take you so far
"Little drunk?" Honey you were "livetweeting" Sublime's "Sublime" album while it was playing in his car, and at one point you said you hoped they play Santeria. "Little drunk" doesn't cover it.
DC is easy, you will figure it out.
I'm drunk and blonde. You are wayyyy underestimating this.
In other news, last night I told somebody they made eczema look so good they should call it sexzema.
I feel like I should acknowledge that I see you as a human and not a ragdoll sex object
I want your cock. I also want to cuddle you and tell you how amazing you are, because you know balance.
Randomize
