JACOB AND UGLY BROKE UP
everyone made a circle around them and startd chanting fight fight. they wernt fighting, they were dry humping
You were mumbling a lot and offered me 20 dollars to leave you alone
and all i could think about was how mcdonalds would not be open anymore after we were done having sex
Im on the side of I-10 covered in sweat, cookie dough, hollandaise sauce, onion gravy, and ground beef wondering how my life I ended up here
Seriously. We gorilla glued our hands together. Eating pizza last night was impossible.
I want this pizza in and around my mouth forever..
I mean, you've seen me eat pizza, sober, out of a garbage can, and yet I refuse to go eat at that place. Just sayin....
so let me get this straight... she's showing a cameltoe that can be seen from the space station and I'm NOT supposed to stare?
He wants to make me arch my back "like I'm having an exorcism". Not sure if I'm turned on or freaked out.
when in doubt, mount your coworker in the staff room.
At least life still wants to fuck me.
I just drunk texted the Italian guy and now I’m flooded with Shane. Uh, shame, not Shane. He sounds nice, though.
I lost my wallet so I paid for my cab ride home with a sausage sandwich I found in my purse. Must have thought it was my wallet.
Apparently my hair turned out really good because I got my butthole licked by a stranger last night
Randomize
