are you still at the devil's house?
I fell asleep on the toilet again last night...
i'm signing you up for texting rehab
so after all day drinking, we went to an all u can eat crab place and i was going from table to table surveying the crowd if they though the crab i was carrying around looked like the flying dog from never ending story...what the hell is wrong with me?
after the first, "yea you like that baby", i quickly remembered why i had stopped having sex with him.
The bender is in full force. After 2 bloody mary's at breakfast we are now drinking vodka redbull "as a precaution" so we will stay awake for the club tonight.
There comes a time in every girls life when she must use her boobs for good instead of evil.
Your pregnant arnt you
Just threw up on my desk at work. They are making me go home.
Dude she has starbursts in her sports bra. I feel like this is counter productive.
There were penises being pulled out everywhere.
work has become about six times more interesting since i started fucking my boss.
I want to throw all of their shoes in the pool so I feel like there is some justice in the world
He let me keep my Michael Jordan Bulls jersey on during sex.
Your boobs stole my birthday thunder!
This is an alert from the drunk police: you have reached the point of no return. Text messages past this point are illegible.
Randomize
