Don't come here someone got drunk and rolled the keg to buger king. no more beeer
new number. flushed my phone last night when i puked, made B help me look for it for 2 hours.
i came out of my blackout when my grandma called last night. it kinda sobered me up and i realized who i had been making out with. should i call and thank her for the defensive cockblock?
that's the last time we turn jepordy into a drinking game.
if they reproduce, their children will be the worst quarters players ever
Im gonna need you to always be ready for drinking or this will never work. grow up peter pan.
if i'm ever face-down on the ground puking again, promise me you won't try to braid my hair?
We were just at different life stages. He wanted to get married and have kids, I wanted to take MDMA and fuck my roommate.
Wow my largely unnecessary pool of lizard-related knowledge finally came in handy. Are you proud?
I don't know what to say
Drinking a grey goose and water in a random chair that I found by the road by myself
So there's that.
I kinda got drunk and threw my debit card into a bonfire so I don't have any money at the moment lol.
You asked for his ID and then said "I am like a bouncer but for my vagina."
I helped you wax your vagina and you won't even get me Corn Nuts you fucking bitch?
Sorry 4 always trying to rope you into my sexual exploits
we are the best best friends ever. You had sex in an ice cream truck I had sex in a fire truck
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