I drank it, and now my boss keeps hitting me in the face with beams of light.
Tripping at your desk probably isn't the best plan you've had.
Do you think an esthetician would be willing to wax the Chanel Cs into my crotch? That way, whenever a guy gets ready to pound on it I can go "Careful, it's Chanel."
what i wouldnt give for a night at orourkes without seeing 3+people ive slept with
We had to be out of the dorms at 730. Meeting started at 8. I woke up at 948. Drunk and covered in glitter.
She said she could kiss it, just not put it in her mouth. Because that would be cheating..
Apparently tackling a bar stool and crashing to the floor while yelling for 6 shots of whiskey won't get you thrown out on St Pattys Day.
So... he formspringed me a link to every nude pic ive taken since he 8th grade. ive evolved nicely. but im nervous as to how this a website.
I'm glad we have the kind of friendship where if either of us is too drunk to fuck a hot guy, we pass the responsibility to each other and get the job done.
I just re read that. We really need to get our lives together.
booty call birthday vouchers, best idea ever. it's like giving a present to myself for someone else's birthday.
He's scared I want a relationship? How does texting him at three am and sleeping with four of my exes symbolize that?
His last name was woodcox? That just screams I've got a great penis
You know what else? He didn't even get to see my butt. And my butt is really cute. Car sex is awful.
I had fresh baked oatmeal cookies, tacos AND was on deck to give a stellar blow job. You'd think that'd be a win/win/win situation.
As a friend tho, you have the biggest dick I've ever seen
I took out a life ins. policy Thursday. It's okay I can die in Nashville now.
Randomize
