operation "beaches make me wet" is a go
It was not a dingleberry, it was a dinglemelon
eating kraft dinner with my face. no forks.
I just got turned down by a drunk fat chick. At my own birthday party. God hates me.
I am the prescription. I can be taken orally or vaginally and in any dosage. This is why I went to med school.
Hungover, threw up in a cosmetic case in my car this morning. This is real life.
She gave me a can of steel reserve to pour on myself in the shower
Best thing I ever did was get a dog. She's like a living trip alarm to warn me of visitors while I'm masturbating.
I do NOT want my proposal story to start "...he was peeing on me and then..."
If you're wondering about the mess, we had sex in the kitchen. There was noodles involved.
You were dancing to the Bee Gees, at 3am, with a piece of ham on your head. Moral of the story, You can't drink.
Also I just took the BEST ass selfie of my adult life.... it's gonna be a good day haha
extra points if i make kids and or the elderly cry
I'M NOT EVEN STOPPING FOR WINE SO I CAN GET TO THAT DICK QUICKER.
Not only did I sleep with the guy but I think I may have called my work and quit to go work for him.
Randomize
