I enjoy that i have a whole shelf of clothes that I've accumulated from random sex. You know the ones you get to make the morning after look less awkward like similar to an athletes trophy shelf
Homegirl just dropped a candle on the floor major party foul. Thought it make you feel better.
I'm using the size of your dick as a guage to see how big something is on Amazon. Any questions?
oh my god. were standing in the kitchen and were chanting "EYEBROWS" and shaving peoples eyebrows. I have work tomorrow and want to keep my eyebrows.
Apparently I tried to convince him to sleep with me by showing him that I could do dips....
I cooked you Mac and cheese when I was drunk and drugged. That counts for about 4 meals. Try harder
Pretty sure I just shit out pure stomach acid. I'll explain after you take me to a hospital
While eating post sex burritos I dripped taco bell sauce on my boob. He licked it off and asked why I hadn't thought of that before.
I am making dinner in lingerie and heels and there is a 75% chance his roommate is going to walk in on this.
Yup. There he is. This conversation is awkward.
I drew a giraffe.. But she did say that bumped that test up from a 39 to a 40. It's the little things.
I'm sorry I came to your house drunk and fed pizza to your dog.
Wall of shame with a backpack full of beer bottles, cowboy hat in hand, and a handlebar mustache. I was applauded by a passing car
Woke up this morning with fake blood all over my bed which is a positive considering last year it was all real blood
HAMMERED.. I made a peanut butter and jelly sandwich with toilet paper instead of bread...
Why did u text me "I want to get drunk and go to pizza hut tomorrow. don't let me forget." at 3am??
That text was pretty fucking self-explanatory, man.
Randomize