Whatever it was. it was pregnant.
...seriously? chocolate pudding? motorboating? No one has even done that to ME and i am 69 times the whore you are
the only thing he could say in english were 'insert coin here' and 'game over'. i love spanish men.
that was you who tried to jump in front of my car in the monkey suit wasnt it
the bathroom floor of the diner looks a lot different when you're not rolling around and puking on it.
they're like a gay fantastic four
She started crying and told me to leave half way through, I'm walking down main with a bottle of patron and a sweatpants boner.
this better not be you asking for a beej
You called your ex's vag an "AIDS Pinata". Drunk You is the Hulk Hogan of insults.
He made me cum 4 times, we high fived afterwards and then I proceeded to tell him about this guy I'm dating whilst I made him a bacon sandwich. I think we've finally mastered being friends with benefits.
If you put those two in a room together it'd be like a Taylor Swift fantasy and an Adele nightmare just licking faces
I convinced a German girl that I was born while my mom was water skiing and I preceded to barefoot ski behind her via the umbilical cord...
I'm covered in glow paint and I can't find my shirt. So, successful night
he just used a semicolon in the middle of a sext
Sooo I ended up ugly crying at the drive thru window at 10 pm last night....how was your valentine's day?
Well what did you order
Ugh. It's days like these that make me wish my bad habits would kill me faster
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