Have you learned any life lessons?
I like big butts and I cannot lie.
Our adventure is going to pick up his pipe and weed that he ditched when he got pulled over the other day.
HOT DATE.
just once i'd like the "right thing" and the "topless thing" to be the SAME THING
She gave him a lap dance on the glass table. You can guess how that ended
We jumped on a random trolley because total strangers offered us free vodka. We're not even on the route map as far as I can tell. I see now how those people died in "Hostel"... we deserve whatever happens to us tonight.
You gave me balls I gave you half a boob. Fair trade
When people ask about my bruises, I'm just going to say it was a doorknob. Or possibly a group of doorknobs. Angry doorknobs.
Sometimes I envy you, when I'm not praying for your soul.
It's been over a year since we've been get-so-drunk-you-throw-beer-cans-at-fat-girls-drunk together. That needs to change.
If I don't get my shit together, I'm going to be one of those really fucked up cases on 1000 ways to die
So heartbroken my rebound has a rebound
It's funny that when I fall down as an adult I'm so much happier no one saw than that I'm not seriously hurt.
Rule travel - in 2s or put an ankle monitor on me, and maybe a shock collar.
Hey mike is locked out, sleeping on the common room couch, no idea where his pants are nor does he know where he is. When you get this let him in? And let me know ur alive too!
dont know what thebfuxk is in rhat shit, but dont lemme have antmore
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