Raise your hand if you bought 2 annoying girls shots of water. CLOWNS.
god I hate her. why can't she just fuck and leave like a normal slut.
She goes outside, smokes 2 cigarettes, and insists on walking up the 7 flights of stairs so that her heart stays in shape. this woman is crazy.
i knew i liked her after she chugged tequila, fell down the stairs and said "oh dont worry i knew it'd be faster this way"
I was arrested last night for attempting to flee and elude. I wasn't really trying to run from the police. I was drunk and lost in the woods. I thought it was pretty obvious when I was waving at them from my puddle of puke that I wasn't really hiding.
You are forgiven. I sent you a picture of a pumpkin man as a gesture of reconciliation.
It's like his dick is pushing through his pants and driving him over here.
I think this hangover is going to kill me. If it succeeds I would like you to read a dramatic rendition of 'Trapped in the closet' complete with interpretative dance at my funeral.
Baked and hanging out with Al from Home Improvement's son. You can't make this shit up. Tuh-rippin balls
God I miss you. I want to fuck your face... Then do all the girly cuddly shit too.
I was going to try being motivated today. But then I took a hit while still in bed.
I hope the lord has blessed you with many tampons, child.
It's brunch. If you find dick at brunch. You an A+ hoe.
Can I make sure all my sluttiness goes to you when I die? You're the only person I know who'll make use of it
The highlight of my week is I found some hetero porn I didn't completely hate. Branching out.
Randomize
