so... i had sex tonight
with a midget
nicccce tits for a little person
I was curling my hair today and I looked at my curling iron and thought...
You at least unplugged it right?
There are huge fuckin pieces of palm tree in the road. what a road hazard. as i sit here and text you as i swerve to miss them
Putting the hydrocodone in Pez dispensers. Do you want Speedy Gonzales or Darth Vader?
his dick makes me think maybe a monogamous relationship forever is possible.
Does making ice cubes at 4 in the morning count as being productive?
At some point you realize they're vacuuming and you still have to sober up. Please find me a boyfriend thanks .
However today I got my lube that might I add was dripping out of the box. I'd like to think my mailman was mixing business with pleasure.
There was an unopened condom by my car when I went to pick it up this morning. Someone may have fucked on the hood of my car last night. Don't think it was me but I can't rule it out 100%.
I don't think you understand. I woke up under the car. At 3 am. In the club parking lot.
That pizza at 1 am literally tasted like I was eating an angel
I got so drunk that I peed my bed...and all over him. The ironic thing is that he slept in his swimming trunks.
Ugh. My life is a never ending cycle of bad decisions and taquitos.
he told me he had a gf and in the very next sentence asked if I wanted to have sex.
So...I'm pretty sure I have officially determined that reverse cowgirl is the only position possible to have sex in my smart four two
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