I'm reading about reasons for wearing clothing. IS THIS COLLEGE OR PRESCHOOL?
i dont have any money that hasnt already been designated for cigarettes and birth control
I walked into the bathroom and the toilet was on fire... I stood there for like a minute trying to decide whether I should put it out or get my camera.
"I could never have "feelings" for someone who, at one point, wanted to "hate fuck" my face."
I should have known I was in trouble when you started pouring shots all over me
And then I asked the bartender for my third shot and he told me he had to cut me off at two because this was in fact a family fun center
Btw, just wanna point out that you've hooked up with two guys whose birthdays are today. Congratulations, you have a type!
She was the shot vending machine at the party. But free.
What kind of a birthday party isn't a get drunk and ruin everything party
Really? And is this the kinda party we talked about earlier?
Yup. It's just me crying in a closet eating soup
When I tell my children how I survived hurricane Sandy I'll probably leave out the threesome
This guy at the airport was telling me 3/4 dudes in his group got rufied at some strip club. One guy woke up in the hospital, another found himself in a random parking garage, the other got back to the room and they all shit their pants. Go Vegas.
"Do You Wanna Build a Snowman" came on while I was riding his dick. I had to take a moment.
So I think my motto should be "losing bras and dignity every weekend" but like in a really amazing way
Being forward is somethimes a problems. Like in sexual deity Kong.
I think you’re losing coherence.
I am
Randomize
