so you masturbated because Oprah told you?
That's the great thing about NY, if you pee your dress you have an entire cab ride to air dry your panties before the next club.
how do i word it so it doesnt sound like im asking him if he has ever been in jail.
I feel I need to conquer him. He's six ft eight and 265lbs. Its like the mount Everest of sex.
siamese drinking twins saturday is a go ... bring duct tape.
what kind of one night stand wants to walk you home in the morning? whole diff kind of walk of shame.
How are ur friends?
One is peeing in the grass and the other is asleep under the stairs. Fuck them I'm sleeping in the car
Then pass out next to me, I'll be under a pong table or a park bench. Really depends on the weather during Mifflin
Oh yeah and one of the strippers brought you chips and water when you were passes out next to the toilet. So that was nice
do you ever wish you could like, jerk your heart off and be, like, emotionally satisfied? it'd feel like cuddling.
Who put the fucking tampon in my Mike's hard lemonade?
Homophobes nationwide are huddled in their bunkers tonight and I can't stop giggling. Could be the wine.
What a way to start the day. Staring at penis for 3 hours
It's pretty much my favorite thing ever
Just threw up in a baggy on the airplane. The guys next to me clapped and bought me a jack and coke.
Livin the dream
I woke up to him crying and pouring pixy stix in my mouth saying they would bring me back to life.
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