i just want to meat her and do terribly wonderful things to her vagina...
On a list of weird places to get a bj, how weird is in the basement of a pharmacy
long story short: there's a file in the master file cabinet labeled "lube".
I started dry heaving in the middle of sex and she says "You moan funny."
You were peeing on yourself thinking it was the sprinkler in your yard
Some guy just stopped me in the bar and asked if I had a shot named after me at another bar called God damn my VaJana hurts? He already knew my name was Jana so I couldn't deny it!
You tried to put a condom on my dog, then he ate it.
Why wake up next to a guy when you can wake up next to a bag of chips and not have to worry about what kind of std you might've caught
He made the moves first, we made out...then we folded his laundry.
I think we have it figured out.. She's my wife when she's here and gives me advise on how to get ass when she's 1500 miles away.
Oohh. Then yes, he is the Alpha Fuckboy.
Should I apologize for the loud sex I had in his living room? Because I'm not going to.
Definitely not.
I just loudly threatened to kill a self checkout machine
Just told my mom life fisted my asshole. She looked at me with complete understanding. I'm scared...
Hey
Gfdhklhgfxzyuikl$
GODDAMNIT WHY AM I MISSING THIS
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