so when I got there he was dressed as jesus in a recliner drinking whiskey out of the bottle watching spanish porn. Then kept shouting dont judge me or ill judge you. we didn't even go to a halloween party.
wasted. watching meteors, awesome idea i ever had, see 2 for every 1 with ma double vision
Don't bite the hand that gives you multiple orgasms
why are there beer bottles in my dishwasher?
He doesn't like you, he likes u not having a gag relfex
Being a slut is okay if you're being a polite slut, right?
Oh my god, I hid a wine bottle in my boot.
Your cat is quite the conversationalist after some tequila and shrooms
I think 2012 will be the year I purposely put myself in awkward situations. Much like 2011 but really trying this time. Like fucking the little sister of a girl I already fucked and dating a chick that lives with her ex. It could be awesome or horrible.
You don't have anything to lose--we've established that he's not going to murder you and he smells good.
We fucked through the entire Destiny's Child album, it was a beautiful thing.
They're fucking on the bed next to me. I took adderall and smoked so there's no fucking help for me.
SOS YOU NEED TO TAKE THE CANDY PANTIES OUT OF THE GLOVE COMPARTMENT BEFORE MOM TAKES MY CAR
I find him attractive in the absolute weirdest way. Like I need him to do my taxes, but I also feel like I should spill things on him to gain his attention and then lick it off to gain his affection.
It’s a good thing I’m the only one in the office today. My boy toy stopped by and now there is jiz all over my desk and couch
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