And her vagina tasted EXACTLY like a slim jim
eating raw peppers to burn the taste of semen out of my mouth
She said you were bangin on the counters of McDonalds singing "These Eyes" at 4am
they duct taped my keg cup to my hand with my sister's phone number on it. I should be ok tonight.
I just want a box on franzia all to myself. Just me, my wine, my tears, & my self loathing.
We were gonna play Truth or Dare but like 10 minutes in we decided to get naked and play Dare or Get the fuck out.
Are you in a cab?
I'm close- can you order me a bowl of vodka?
I just handed the barista at Starbucks a panty liner instead of my card....maybe I should upgrade this Tall to a Venti...
she said i was like a little lamb and she felt bad for luring me into her den of sin. then she blew me.
Being a virgin isn't supposed to be this easy for you.
Hey to make you feel better about last night, I just shit my pants.
I don't think you understand. I woke up under the car. At 3 am. In the club parking lot.
im lying in bed trying to choke myself out because being awake hurts too much
I was masturbating and a roofer walked past my bedroom window.
everytime he speaks i want to fuck him less. i just wanna tell him to shut up and take his pants off and we could both be happy.
Stupid Covid-19
The universal cock block of this decade
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