walked into a party last night, i saw 3 ex gfs standing in a circle talking to each other...that's the quickest u-turn i've ever made in my life.
So it turns out my dad calls his penis "John" which means he either named me after his penis or his penis after me
I don't know if its because i'm stoned or what but painting my kitchen yellow makes it look crooked
Like lay upon bear skin rugs, drink brandy and reminisce of the yesteryear's before a majestic fire place? Because those are my plans.
I just pulled a piece of cookie out of my bra in the middle of class. I'm forever alone.
That's like being smoked out by a unicorn. If the opportunity presents itself you fucking do it and don't ask questions.
Moral of the story is go have sex with a foreigner and report back to me.
Had to snap chat three different people to ask who left the bite mark on my thigh. All three said "Wasn't me". Now I can't wear a bathing suit to my mom's pool.
I just want to go home and eat bagel bites in my underwear
I just told 2 of my vibrators "I love you." I seriously need some dick.
How ya feelin sunshine?
Like a million dollars! ... That has been hit by a bus, drowned under water and beat repeatedly by a shovel.
Wearing my one sleeve dress...thought you'd like to know I shaved ONE armpit lol
What the fuck dude? Now it's a "who is this?" convo going back and forth. Like... helllloooo you just sent me a picture of your penis! I'm entitled to ask who the fuck it is. I can't verify an identity by a body part.
she threw up on her exam, awkwardly wiped it off with her sleeve and continued writing.
God knew I'd have horrible taste in men, so made me asexual to ensure I'd never fuck them.
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