Um....I woke up to a lipgloss covered bottle of Jack daniels in my arms..
You've kissed worse.
Is it awkward that I've slept with every guy in this room?
Only if they know about it too.
Im starting to think including a smiley face in texts may or may not be a code for 'lets have sex'
Im going to research this theory. . .
I just got three quarters of the way there before I realized I was way too stoned for class so I bought a smoothie and walked home.
I wanna tell red shirt guy I'm pregnant and use the abortion money for Coachella.
This guy needs to come out; I can feel him sucking my dick from across the room.
Look if you're not going to be mine and take care of my needs, I'm going to fuck your sisters.
All she kept whispering was put your pickle in my mouth. Then she fell out of her barstool and chipped her tooth
Oh, and I'm only keeping her around till spring. Doing the hunt for cunt is too tough in 12" of snow.
I smell like icyhot and vodka... Heres to my pulled tendon.
I'm about to fuck a girl in an old school Tony Kukoc Bulls jersey. About to earn my third championship ring in sex
Isn't it my whole life blown into this perfect spoon shaped piece of melted and artificially colored sand?
Wow.
ETSY JUST SENT ME AN EMAIL WITH THE SUBJECT "SUMER ROMANCE" I'M BEYOND FUCKING DONE
I shouldn't have that kind of responsibility when the prospect of being high is readily available. All I could do was hula hoop and smoke cigarettes last night. My remembrance of anything important was out the window.
This morning, I found 5 naked people in Steve's bed with post sex hair, and Steve fully clothed sleeping on the ground.
Randomize
