this kid just came up to me and asked me if i wanted to play truth or aids with him and his friends. i'm in
I'm chasing vodka with french fries.
legit been throwing up since 7am. told my parents the two bowls of puke in my dorm were soup
remember what we learned. dont lure girls w/ food at the bar. u dont want those ones
Her exstacy made her nickname everyone David. Nobody knows who the fuck she's talking to so we just say no to everything she says. She's crying.
I told them the reason I passed out was because of "heat exhaustion." Not from showing up drunk. Good thing this is Arizona.
Aaaand I cut your bangs with a large knife last night ...
I just found a hunk of ham in my back jeans pocket from god knows when. We gotta stop going so ham.
Let's just not urinate on things that don't need to be urinated on
Ok I am NOT pregnant. I could shove coal up my vagina and my uterus would turn it into a diamond in a matter of minutes
He always takes me to get taco bell after we hook up in his car. It's sort of become a booty call tradition.
I kept having to give myself encouraging advice like, "you know how a path works"
The impact your presence has on my vagina without even putting your hands on me is quite astonishing, impressive and a little disturbing.
So high, just applauded for a magic trick on Hulu.
The cards I get dealt on tinder now are karma for fucking a married man while I was in high school.
Randomize
