It wasn't awkward until he started humming the Rocky theme song in the middle of fucking
I'm sitting at the bar eating dinner next to a nerd, a guy in a 10 gallon hat, and a policeman. I feel like I joined The Village People
So...it's hour 4 of day 5 of week 7 of my internship, and so far all ive done is shred paper. all. day. long. it's like working for Enron.
After a valiant attempt at golf, I think it's time for Tiger to go back to doing what he does best- having sex w/ blond, white women.
Yeah apparently i got lonely because everyone was hooking up so i took matters into my own hands. I woke up on the floor spooning a vaccuum cleaner, a mop, 40 paper cups, and industrial grade detergent.
His blow is so strong I threw up. Buy it. I'm in nursing school I know what I'm talking about.
Also you know what's worse than drunk texting? Drunk leaving soup on your hot neighbor's porch.
I ended up with bruises on the back of my knees. Tell me again how I did this?
Gees I domt know what your deal was. You kept looking at Nick and shaking your head frantically and doing a weird motion with your hands
Tgat was the small dick alert
So I got lost trying to find you guys and ended up proposing to a bride in a bachelorette party with a condom.
Dude you chased a girl around the yard and then fell over the curb. Face first. You got up on your own tho so you reached champion status
But really- as the voice of your vagina I am BEGGING you to do it. If not for yourself than for your poor innocent puss
I just saw a girl drinking wine and walking her dog in footie pajamas and a mad hatter hat. First day of the new year and I think I'm in love.
I feel like you should put up a missed connections ad for this..
I've never had to say don't judge me for chip clips in the shower before
Today we memorialize my orgasms. Taken from me over six months ago, gone too soon. Here's to hoping we'll see one again
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