This girls' body was nothing short of spectacular...her face, was like the '09 Detroit Lions
When I told my mom I was having a rough time, she responded with "pop a xanax, take a nap, and when you wake up all will be right with the world." My mom is finally starting to shape up.
we ate a 40 pack of string cheese and watched an entire washing machine cycle.
I just realized I'm not towing a trailer. I thought this whole drive home I was towing a trailer. Wow too high
how did the keg end up in the top bunk?
The stripper had a daughter my age and offered to introduce us. I didn't know what to say to that.
I would let Bear Grills repel down a waterfall using my dick if I could go to sleep right now.
It's not really the holidays until I raid the medicine cabinet. Happy hydrocodone to me
And a merry methadone to all
I'm not saying you did or didn't sleep with him but he's has your thong hanging from his ceiling fan
That's not fair! You can't come over after you just had sex and rub my dry spell in my face!
I need five more minutes of sobbing.. AND THEN I will get back to studying
I was very impressed with his ability to carry on a conversation with his friends sitting in the front seat with his hand in my pants, getting a hand job, stoned, with a cigarette in his mouth. I think he's a keeper.
I was afraid I was gonna get a URI, so I peed on his front porch.
so all I remember is hig-fiving the cop and then sprinting away. considering I'm not in jail, I count that as a win.
So I FINALLY get to start out a story, "So there I was, naked except for a toboggan hat and handcuffs..."
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