i just wanna skin you and wear you like last years versace.
you may have the big hair, fake nails, and talk with a fake accent, but you will NEVER be a housewife from new jersey so STOP TRYING.
this morning i realized i came home with more condoms then i left. burn.
Dude, I don't care how big her tits are. I have to dump her. She shit in my shower.
Come scavenge bits of tuna out of my chest hair
The theme is smores and alcohol. Dress appropriately.
I just realized i came back home with my lei that one night. How do i forget my bra but remember my lei?
It was as if you forgot how to speak normally. All of your words came out either backwards or in song form
No. I do not want to discuss your lesbian tendencies with my sister.
She still started it.
She Kept going around and squirting jello shots into guys mouths. That was her ice breaker.
I can't believe that 100lb chick tackled me through a flight of stairs
I'm currently trying to decide if crown or wild turkey will hurt worse coming back out through my nose later.
It's basically the same plan, only step one gets revised to "look hot enough that he forgets I fucked his roommate"
yea sometimes its awkward. but when you're a straight bartender at a gay bar and everyone knows it, they all think that they can make me turn gay. its like oh yea dude that extra $20 tip makes me want to suck some dick now
I thought the first time I got peed on it would be by a baby...
the gnome is staring at me and the pineapple is wearing shorts. I don't want to do this anymore.
Randomize
