are you so shy because you have an std?
we had sex three times last night.. but now im just wet from him crying on my stomach about how much he misses his ex.. awesome
Your scrotum should have touched every square inch of that place by now. Start with the water fountain.
Although, to be fair, I am both willing and going to lick marshmallow fluff off of your dick.
I put an asterick after the names of people in my phone that I've fucked. Both as a form of bragging, and also so I can actually remember all their names.
my drunken justification for peeing in her closet was that her shoes were ugly
She said we could only have sex if she got to keep her fake moustache on during
I was THIS CLOSE. But drunk me wanted to play those washboard abs with a spoon, like an actual washboard. Apparently that hurts, so I just squished it out at home alone.
I told the guy that if he didn't put enough pepperoni to earn the name " pepperoni feast", that I was gonna sue him for all he had. Believe it or not, that's all I remember.
we're the same shoe size and he owns more pairs of heels than i do. this could be the beginning of a beautiful friendship
The only reason I know his name is because we wrote marriage vows in orange crayon on the back of a Walmart receipt.
My walk of shame was four miles long and I had to stop for a water break. I am the picture of class.
You know the party's good when you say "Never have I ever caused an emergency landing" and someone drinks
You were licking skittles to check if they were "halucinateizers" so no, you are not leaving the house while on antibiotics.
They tried to get you to drink water and all you kept shouting was, "NO MORE LIQUIDS OF *ANY* KIND."
Randomize
