Really? You have stories that rival having a threesome with the two best friends of the guy your kinda seeing? Thats impressive.
Ok I can't be your drugdealer AND booty call AND friend. It just doesn't work that way
You know you're deprived when the only thing you taste while chewing gum is the 2 grams of sugar alcohol.
I walked in and she was doing shots, betting the managers if any of the customers would notice, and screaming that nothing would ruin her Saturday night. Say what you want, I like working with my sister.
I can't believe we just used the phrase "jizz to juice ratio" in casual conversation.
I walked into the garage and you were telling the bikes that you were not that drunk.
Pretty sure he sprained my tongue. This is why you don't hook up with gingers.
only thing in my fruit bowl is 4 champagne corks and a jenga piece . Tuesday.
He stole all of his parent's vodka WHILE they were in the room, and then opened the window and snuck out. I was watching from my truck
I just woke up in the closet wearing nothing but a Santa hat.
Considering all of my stomach contents ended up in my center console, I'm a bit peckish.
He named his newborn baby after a character in the Hobbit and that is literally keeping me up at night.
what could you have possibly accomplished by watching 6 hours of a mythbusters marathon
well, i added sex in a wind tunnel to my bucket list
BITCH IT IS YOUR BIRTHDAY AND I'M STARTING ON A FISHBOWL OF LIQUOR WITHOUT YOU
I read that out. Group response is "Katie is hard as fuck."
WITH MOTHERFUCKING MONKEY MITTENS
Was it a bad idea to have spent all of my tax return on coke?
Randomize
