is your mom at the bar?
im trying not to drink and cry in the same night anymore. i'll let you know how it goes
This girl just introduced herself as Queefer Sutherland. She's on a roller derby team. What. The. Fuck.
You missed a lot. I drank contact solution thinking it was water, vodka thinking it was water and some unidentified substance that reminded me of pine sol thinking it was water..
She has an inverted nipple. She told to play with the normal one until the other one pops up.
When you get here, kick me in the balls. It's really important. - I'll explain later.
Most adult booty call ever. Ha. We got down to business and still got to watch the colbert report.
I asked if he wanted to sext and he just started sending me pictures of his beard.
I picked up the bartender so he could open the bar early and ended up with him giving me a ride home when he closed. I like snowdays and everything, but they get really expensive. Also, I think I threw up on his front door. Not checking.
Like I would feel weird too if you just cancelled our wedding, cut off all your hair and started twerking everywhere
I can't believe you guys got into a sword fight over a chicken nugget
Oh, so that's where all the scratches came from...
Well then she has to know whoever you were kissing was in overalls because that's not a detail you just leave out.
I think I'm dead. Also I think I stole $20 from a stripper.
You did. Then gave it to me.
Got drunk tryed walking 12miles to zacks house woke up at noon on baseball park
I'm sorry for peeing on you last night. Will cookies make up for it?
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