I'm literally partying with O.J. Simpson's son right now. I don't know what to make of this.
So then she just shoved applesauces in her pocket and started talking about she needed to find her friends.
you didn't get her number why?
I mean Grimace is basically just a big piece of purple shit and he is loved way more than the hamburglar just to put it into perspective
Missing both credit cards and just had a flashback of grinding my nuts on the terrified cab driver for amusement. i am feeling a slight hate for myself right now.
Taco Bell drive through. Chick got out of the car in front of us and threw up on the hood of my car!
Not okay.
The guy who was The Count on Sesame Street died this week too. Therefore, you should take multiple shots, count them, & go "ahh aaahh aaaahhh" after each one. I expect video...
Would it be weird if your parents sold me weed?
Know your penis has been the topic of conversation over glasses of wine.
I consider my hand a solid 5. So if I'm dipping below a 7.5, I might as well go with old faithful.
Just smoked the bong while taking a dump. I love living by myself.
Oh, in response to your "does dating get better" question...I feel like penises are getting smaller nowadays. Its been several years since I saw a good 8+ incher.
I met a guy last night who bought me a book on Amazon at the bar and then we had sex. Boners for books is a thing. Boom.
I just did my taxes to sober up, I'm THAT hungover
you know you need to get laid when: getting wrestled to the ground in a self-defense class turns you on....p.s. this is a booty call
someone is getting fuckign RAWDOGGED on this campus as we speak and it makes me FURIOUS
Randomize
