she told me she had a boyfriend but the alcohol told me she didn't
You do realize that we got a stripper to do the YMCA for us on the main stage... Right?
He was visibly upset that you'd rather eat nachos than have sex with him.
Well the good news is my "i'm an adult" dinner party went well, they all brought wine and complimented my cooking abilities. the bad news is i woke up with the leftovers in my bed/on my face
On a separate but also a very relevant note, can we practice drinking wine like real people?
no drinking for a week
if by week you mean tonight and by no you means yes
Rick two cubicles down puked and that triggered three others puking into their trash cans as well. The janitorial staff hates it when we go drinking on a work night.
U thinks that's bad? He told me that he had to envision high school wrestling in order to bust a nut with some girl
Some girl just walked passed me, said "fuck yeah!" and is now crawling up the stairs
Had a dream I went to Disney to visit you and then I got really drunk and puked all over these little kids in line
Honestly, this is a first for me. I've always prided myself on my ability to pretend to get along with others.
We were on the beach when you spilled sand in the bottle and said "relax it's vodka, it'll disinfect itself"
So the next time I search for "Dragon Dildo" on my phone, I should probably clear the browser before handing my phone to someone and that's the first thing they see haha
Ya can’t just go throwing accusations around about someone pooping their pants without some hard evidence
None of what you just said was coherent
I just bought wine at a gas station what the hell do you expect
The blunt fell in the hottub, i mean i knew she was upset but i didnt expect her to dive for it and come up balling her eyes out...
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