And God said, "Let there be Twilight," and it was so.
I should injure you considerably.
do you know why "how to shave your balls" is bookmarked on my computer?
Dude this girl just said she'd take me to pleasure town while giving me head
Will Ferrell is probably jerking himself off somewhere wishing he was you
Miss Michigan hasn't even been Miss USA for 24hrs and already stripper pole pics are surfacing. Classy.
I need a $60 an hour job, because I have a $50 an hour drinking habit.
He filled our room with little plastic cups of beer so the only way I could get out was by drinking them all.
Why did 20 jello shots in a row sound like a good idea last night?
I thought 4 percs were too many but I'm dumping Gogurt on apple pie and taking giant bong rips. This feels right.
Is it bad of me to apply as a night shift counselor at a boys orphanage purely because of how laid that would get me at bars?
I'm sober. Being kissed by a chick with a llama puppet. Shoot me now.
All I've succeeded in doing since I saw you is drool on my shoulder
How the hell could he be confused. He had a naked girl running to him. I feel like he would enjoy that.
I swear every time I see him he's either dancing or trying to touch people
When a guy invites you to dinner and breakfast the next day it's implied that he's going to make some sweet loving in betwixt correct?
Dude...itll be a youre-still-a-dick-but-a-hot-one-angry-hate-evil-spite kinda fuck. This is acceptable.
Randomize
