My goal for the party is to get everyone in a diaper. Reasonable?
I knew something was wrong when santa got arrested
I already wrote the apology to my liver. He knows whats up
we smoked out of your homemade aunt jamima bong
I guess I made wings because there's chicken everywhere. Even on the walls. 3 of them. It's like a chicken grave yard.
And don't worry, my exact words were "I can't believe a baby came outta that thing"
He came when Ron Burgundy started playing the jazz flute. How do you think it went?
I just read "to infinity and beyond" as "to infidelity and beyond" something is seriously wrong with my psyche
I'm using my dog as a pillow. He's cool with it.
I wanna go back to school and change my major to psych just to make a case study out of her
Dude. My tinder just blew up in Seattle. I'm moving here. I don't give a fuck
You fell asleep standing up against the shower wall
I should probably eat a Plan B. Pill for breakfast. Happy Halloween.
I'm dangerously close to tossing this whole "morals" bullshit and swan-diving into the fuckboy lifestyle.
...okay, you can't just say 'masturbating llama' and not explain yourself
Randomize
