i am not allowed to pick the men i sleep with anymore
I just got cut off for correcting the bartender's grammar. I should have never accepted that fucking editors position.
I think i accidentally made vodka pancakes
I'm so covered in bruises. God dammit drunk me. We are a lady.
She just asked me if I was looser "in the vagina" than her. While gyrating.
151 hangover. Need apocalypse.
You can't just say you're dying of terminal cancer everytime they try to card you
Can you send me a picture of your dog? I might need to borrow him so I can wear a speedo to a pool party on Friday
I tried to take a cute nude but sneezed halfway through. I sent it anyway
I swear to God if you fuck my cousin I will fuck your dad.
We need to step in, this can't continue. The guy she went home with last night looked exactly like Count Olaf, right down to the unibrow.
Which version tho, Jim Carrey or Neil Patrick Harris?
THAT DOESN'T FUCKING MATTER, YOU DON'T FUCK COUNT OLAF!!!
Just to clear things up, yes you did lick the strippers butt
Truth. Though I have held steadfast to the notion while the rest of you wavered. I had faith in his homosexuality.
She pulled out a water gun filled with vodka and called it her weapon of choice tonight. She's fine.
I’m going to hump him until his teeth hurt and then I’m going to have my way with him
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