I definitely just put my boxers on backwards.
haha now u have to piss out ur bum
There's a hobo dancing by himself. Is anyone going to ask how he got in the house?
there is no way he can be that small
look on the bright side he'll over comepensate
I'm pretty sure the only race ive ever won was to my mothers egg
Wish you were here....
And I wish your mouth was around my cock, but that never happens, does it?
she played "i just wanna get married" by jagged edge while we were having sex. why cant i avoid stage 5 clingers
I think I wrote "thanks for the free alcohol!!!" in their wedding guest book and I'm almost positive I signed my name
She's using our floating beer pong table as an air mattress to sleep on.
I just want a man to crawl into my bed with me and never crawl out. Anti socialism at his best.
I just picked up my phone and one shoe from the man mowing the lawn next to the ice rink. He found them in a tree.
I think we need to dedicate ourselves to building your stamina back to uterus breaking level
Trust me. My dick only does selfies for you.
whatever. i don't need to be drunk to tell you i'd suck your dick if you had one.
Apparently I handcuffed myself to the dishwasher...
In honor of Randy Savage we're wearing spandex and handing out slim jim's with option to suplex. Get behind it
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