is it weird that i feel like i won the break up because my status change got two comments and his got zero?
but seriously ill do anyone in one of those hats with the earflaps.
A girl limped into my class 15 minutes late wearing sunglasses, leggings, and a kiss me im irish shirt. She sat down and took her glasses off and im pretty sure she only had one eye's makeup still on. Someone had a great st pattys day.
I woke up with dick mouth, a raw vagina, an empty bottle of vodka and the best man next to me. I also found my thong by the pool. Best.Wedding.Ever.
They are currently going door-to-door asking the neighbors to donate money for Cheez-Its and gift wrap. They asked me to stay back at the house to make another pitcher of margaritas.
First thing on my "to do" list- get sober for community service.
Bro, I just googled 36 year old pussy so when I do see it I won't be shocked.
In the middle of me riding him, he stopped me and said "You're the kind of person who would be restrained for being obnoxiously drunk on an airplane, huh?"
Apparently I missed the "You may have to jack off a horse" part of the application.
I just told the joker that my vagina is the bat cave and he needs to infiltrate it.
He found his first fuckbuddy I'm so proud I feel like making him a card or something
so i woke up at six am and his bathroom was flooded. i think i fucked shit up in my sleep.
My parents get here at 6 so I have to make it look like a sober virgin lives in my room by 5.
I'm sitting on the couch playing the sims, how's ur night going?
I'm sitting on my floor, drinking wine, and listening to bette midlers "wind beneath my wings"
Why are our lives so predictable?
He's got a big dick, a steady job and tells me I'm pretty. There is litterally nothing else I look for I a guy.
Randomize
