you're bored at work aren't you?
I'm toying with the idea of beating off under my desk
Is it proper Ass-Fingering-Etiquette to tell her u felt her poop or just pretend it didn't happen?
Dude i have a 6th sense for when bagel bites are ready.
woke up on my stairs with half a hot dog beside me and the last text I sent was "i make hot dog in toasTer" .
Literally getting boned by my flask right now. I didn't really think about this whole sneaking past security in a skin tight dress.
My dora the explorer band aid does not cover up the shame i feel right now
Bath mats should not be used at mops. they don't work. consider this a drunk psa
I scrubbed the bathroom, smoked a bowl, and gave myself 3 orgasms. If the world ends today, I feel accomplished.
If you're wondering about the pepper everywhere its for the ants and it was my doings. They hate pepper. You're welcome.
He acted like he was sleep fucking because I woke up to him screwing me in the middle of the night and he had is eyes closed and was mumbling things the whole time and wouldn't respond to me.
Is that even possible?
I called him by the wrong name to test him and he instantly stopped, rolled over and acted like he was still sleeping...I think he might break up with me tomorrow.
We mailed him an 18 inch double headed dildo for his birthday. The Fedex guys certainly got a laugh out of it.
I went to the strip club tonight. I had never gone, and in a panic I gave the dancer giving me a lap dance a handshake and introduced myself. Redefines business casual.
I'm not trying to analyze you I'm just saying you are being unfair to soup
I'm no longer puke free since 2013 am I.
Ahha guy saw me buying beer, went "hmmmmm" and nodded his head approvingly. No words exchanged, but he has made his way to my heart haha
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