Where is the hickey?
Michael Jackson and Farah Fawcett are dead
NOOOOOOOO not MJ! Someone tell the paramedic to grab him by the heart and just "Beat it"
This girl is drinking wine and watching grey's anatomy in the library during finals week. I hate comm majors.
I just realized that I'm gonna have to lower my standards if I want random head.
dude you need a shock collar for some of the things you say when you're drunk.
I miss your penis. I'm telling you this as a friend, like its just a really great penis. You should be proud of it.
It's like I opened a door and behind it lay mythical creatures sprinklin fairy dust upon the land leading me to a pot of gold. And that gold is some delicious cock.
About to go out with the girl of my dreams tonight. I am looking at one of her hottest fb pics, to practice not looking at her huge tits.
A beer is a heart your wish makes!!!
Used my phone to vibrate 'eye of the tiger'. It's like Rocky is punching my nuts, but gently.
I am in his childhood bedroom and I feel like his trophies are applauding me and his stuffed bunny is disgusted with me. Did you know he was a mathlete?
Maybe we should invest in one and when one of us wishes to be a hot mess in a wheel chair the other one will push the mess around to wherever it wants to go.
I mean, except for the part where I was vomiting up pineapple and hot sauce, it was a really fun time.
my experiences serve only to benefit you young virgin
You kept apologizing to your car for talking behind its back
Randomize
