I just googled "semen solvent" and got nothing. there has to be something that will wash this shit off!
I see a marketing opportunity
how many times in life can you be kicked out of a pizza buffet for vomiting on the food and insulting small children
just saw 2 fat kids fight for the last slice of pizza. Litteraly fight. God Bless America
she reminds me of the first time i discovered masturbation. that's how you know it's true love.
Her thighs are so strong. I thought my head was gonna get crushed when I was eating her out
the condom is still stuck, that's what I get for being responsible
I like making it seem like it's at least a little bit difficult to hook up with me
I just need like a magic vacuum to suck everything out of me and then an IV to put good stuff back in
I almost died today via plastic wrap. I AM THE REASON THEY PUT WARNING LABELS ON THINGS.
I did a trust fall off the bar and then almost got into a knife fight over a push up competition. Just another Tuesday.
Guy running next to me at the gym is judging me. I think he can smell the whiskey leaking out of my pores.
I was doing good, then they gave me free shots
i'm at work, alone, drinking a spiced chai & fireball hot toddy. holiday OT isn't that bad after all.
Is it too much to ask for 10 minutes of privacy while I masturbate?
soo... how was my night?
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