The sex was great until she started shouting, "Succeed!, Succeed!" Then it was like I was fucking a motivational speaker. Awkward.
If i off myself, it'll be in a lobster costume in the hot tub with butter...
I'm pretty sure my penis yawned halfway through. That loose.
Of course it's dangerous. Why else would they hire us after we failed the drug test?
all but 2 of were put on probation for disorderly conduct. i know, visiting a hospital when your drunk is really stupid but it seemed like such a good idea at the time
swear to god, "it seemed like a good idea at the time" is gonna be on your epitaph
Last night I dipped into my beer fund to pay for groceries. SINCE WHEN ARE MY PRIORITIES SO WHACK???
You tried to convince me you were sober by doing jumping jacks. For an hour.
It took years to rebuild my brains forcefield against your charm and I feel like u seal team 6'd ur way in again and caught my common sense sleeping on post
I just sprawled out on my bedroom floor and cried while shoveling chocolate into my mouth.. I should not have Bacardi at home
Also his beard was very delicious looking. I wanted to touch it so bad, but I held back.
I was looking at our sex bingo and pretty much every single row or column has at least one kind of person that is harder to find than all the rest
We've made things harder for ourselves
The struggle will be part of the fun
I made out with a girl because I wanted to get in the VIP section of the bar because they have these big comfy couches. It worked.
I thought since you asked to see my dick I might as well say hi
Oh, now I remember why I deleted your number. You're kind of a dick. Please delete mine.
Btw you guys passed out eating DP dough and watching Pocahontas... on a monday
it was stoner heaven..
Randomize
