I like it. Barfy the gin-flavoured Assman
So I'm on the can right now reading a court transcript for an appeal. Some dude is paying $155 an hour for me to take a shit.
You rolled out of the car, got on all fours and puked then just nonchalantly stood up and waved goodbye and thanks for the ride.
judging from the lines on my body they wheeled me back in a shopping cart
I told him that he was essentially a very life-like dildo with a person attached so he needed to stop having feelings because it was getting annoying. He agreed.
Yeah its great. Whenever we want a new bowl we hand it to Trevor and he clears it in one hit. Definitely one of the benefits to having a swimmer in your circle.
His dick is as big as my 7" heels... Awkwardness is forgotten.
Im like a hedgehog. Easy to corner or get within reach, but tough to get right close to. Like a rooster with its feathers surgically replaced with razors
Apparently drunk me thought it was a good idea to buy $100 worth of band aids and stick them all over everything in the apartment.
all i tweeted was "emergency this is not a drill" and he immediately texted me asking if this was a subtle booty call…it was
i would stab him if he didn't just tell me he is a priest
My first love was gay too, it's okay.
1) break up with him. 2) feel bad. 3) fuck some other guy. 4) feel better. Boom! Life plan. You're welcome.
He eats kale on the regular. Do I look like a bitch that wants to eat kale. No. Give me some Boston market.
We could just go to Vegas and celebrate my singlehood and not contributing to the population.
Randomize
