3:47a: I take it you're not on your way over
im pretty sure i tried to attack the vending machine last night
lol who won
well im in the hospital right now so u tell me
You know if a vagina was a face, it'd be ugly as hell...
Whenever he makes me dinner its always mini things.. cheeseburgers, corndogs.. is he preparing me for something?
well on the bright side, he charges $60 for an eighth
so he'll probably take me somewhere nice
i just posted a lake picture of you with a dead fish in your mouth. happy july 5th.
god, a vagina is an amazing trump card
Nick just found a baggie of 3 year old shrooms in his desk drawer and downed it all with cheap white wine. I am not on vomit duty tonight.
The best part was that when I woke up, I poked her with my dick to wake her up, and said, "Hi, I'm Alex. Nice to meet you". Shoulda seen the look on her face. Priceless.
Maybe walking up to the cops busting our party with a "Things go better with Coke" t-shirt on and asking for my extra license back that my little brother got busted with wasn't the best idea of the night.
She asked me to go inside, make myself a drink and slip into something a little more naked.
Seriously, don't even. "Hi, have I seen you half naked covered in bright red body paint on the internet?" is NOT acceptable water-cooler chit-chat.
Aw.
When he texted me, I got a little wet. Until he asked me to get Jimmy Johns before I got to his house.
I just KNEW this was gonna happen. NEVER say "all the free Jameson you can drink" around Tina.
You stared at a Swedish dude for like 5 minutes then asked him "shouldn't you be yelling at dragons"
Randomize
