White boys cant dance....we did an empirical study
Just washed my feet between classes in the bathroom...Four girls totally judged me...
Her underwear doesnt even match. If youre going to be a face book whore at least have matching shit.
already putting money aside for 4/20. you ready for the greatest tuesday ever?
i think it would be like really awesome if scientist could genetically engineer manatees to be like the size of goldfish so i could have one in my fishbowl and be like FUCK YEAH TINY MANATEE
tuesday night obama will do an address about the oil spill at 8... it'll only be about 15 minutes... but i think thats plenty of time for a drinking game. key words "oil" "bp" and "responsibility"?
Fuck yes. Let's make bingo cards.
Not only was there cake on the wall but someone shoved cake and meat in a cup and put it in the fridge.
Not even desperate vagina wants small cock.
Glad to hear you raised your standards
I found this letter on my leg this morning "dear sober self- we are one body now. It's weird but get used to it because it already happened" who the fuck is lionman?
At what point did you realize I was getting blown under the table during our dominos game?
Got a snapchat from Megan last night showing you sobbing about a burrito on the floor with Dan in the background trying not to laugh his ass off
That moment when your mom is so drunk she makes you get out of bed to lay in her bed because she thinks it feels like sleeping on a marshmallow peep....
CODE RED CODE RED MY VIBRATOR IS BROKEN THIS IS NOT A DRILL
Now I have to go back and sober fuck him. For science.
I don't want to spend an inordinate amount of time with you, I want to have sex with you. Duhhhhhh.
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