How do you jack off and text at the same time?
On my iPhone they have an app for that
You tried to wear your Jesus costume into Family Christian stores and say it was a book signing.
I just opened up the mens room door to a dude pissing in the urinal and pointing at himself in the mirror
oh ps. last night you kept telling me to calm down because everything was fine cause you were getting "arab money"...
Sorry for walking in on you guys last night. FYI I have a bruise on my forehead from having the door slammed in my face. I deserved it.
I just found a bag of teeth...
By midnight I was dipping doritos in frosting...that's how my simmer break diet is going.
No kidding. I just keep looking at that 'under 21 until 11/21/2011' on my id and whispering "soon enough"
Prepare for tons of dick. I mean dick by the bucket loads. Waterfalls if cock.
I should start printing out disclaimer handouts and passing them out to people saying, "I can not be held responsible for anything I say or do this evening."
Okay now that I've been wanting to eat these hot cheetos in the bathroom, I know it's time I need to stop smoking and go to sleep.
Ski vacations are for hooking up with randoms. It's like I don't even know you
if i do community service solely to impress a guy, everyone wins, right?
except your soul
So in my DUI class I had to write down 3 people I'd call if I needed to talk and why...they all want to meet you now...
We were literally making dick jokes with his dick out
That’s the level of friends with benefits I aspire to achieve
Randomize
