I don't even know why I got my vag waxed
Ugh, tell me about it. As each day passes and the hair grows more, I get a little more depressed.
He just kept telling me how to do certain things. It was like I was fucking my sex ed teacher
Just thought you should know in my puerto rico drunkenness yesterday I signed my dogs name on the bar tab. cruise = success
I've spent the last three hours watching 30 rock and eating marshmallows and ham. I'm considering taking up weed to justify my lifestyle.
theres still like 7 beers in the gutter from the roof party we had last night. i dont know how we got up there. but we need to get those beers down.
just reminessing about the wedding and were they seriously to tight to serve a meal oorrrrrr was it just another one of my black-out-by-dinner drunks
the fact that you actualy have a 'black-out-by-dinner drunk' is a bit deserving..
So that wine I told you about is vile...
That the stuff you brewed in your dorm closet? Are you actually going to drink it?
Yup. It's drinkable. Might go blind, but I've got to use my chemistry minor for something.
I can't help but feel like we would be friends still if my phone didn't always capitalize BUTTLOAD...
And. I know i am a gay man cause when i saw the pic of his cock his feet were in it and i am like what the fuck?
Had sex with the Irish bartender in Spain. So that happened.
Currently hiding in the shower from the RA and my elbow turns it on. Showers and Ciroc don't mix..
Then he shook the next streetlight but this one broke and fell over. He told me, "This is the part where we run."
I'm running late...how do you explain period shits to your boss?
My neighbor was my D.A.R.E officer and I feel like I've defeated him by smoking weed outside everyday
You remember my neighbor with the perfect ass? It's even better in assless chaps.
Randomize
