I just hope this isn't happening Final Destination style
Travis Barker would totally be Devon Sawa in this scenario
i can't believe i brushed your teeth last night. so drunk.
That bad?
Full length cargo pants, running shoes, and a partial unibrow. Alcohol really is blinding.
I might scale it back and go as an investment banker. Which is the exact same costume as James Bond on LSD. I just introduce myself differently.
Word is he has some crazy hawaiian STD
For the amount of money I just spent on my dogs toe, I could have fucked the entire B squad at a low end strip club.
he told me i smelled like babies and pine needles and he wanted to bathe with me. new boyfriend is not a keeper
Whoever brought the pigeon, please come and remove it from my living room.
He convinced the breakfast vendor to melt twix bars on bacon for me at 4am. He slurred every word. I think I found my prince charming.
Tell me not to drink and get on ladders. I think I need the reminder.. I'm clumsy enough sober.
He started praying immediately after we hooked up, condom on and everything.
I'm sorry my shit is everywhere... I accidentally got drunk while packing
I am no longer embarassed by my vagina
It concerns why you would be in the first place, but I'd rather not know
I can handle him. I'm made of spite and hot wings.
the raccoons are back...
Randomize
