I thought that since they were twins... they would be equally as good in bed
I did the walk of shame to church this morning.
hooker boots and all?
Yep. People looked at me like I was the prodigal daughter returning home. Full of sins but welcome anyway.
Now we are really drunk and her 17 yr old cousin is shitfaced. He may or may not have proposed a toast to octopuses and double fisting. And we just drank to Mexico.
Hey, don't feel sorry for me, the two girls in front of me just ordered 18 dollars worth of taco bell. Life could be worse.
I have now hooked up with 8 of the Apostles. I have no idea where I'm going to find a guy named Bartholomew.
Everything smells like beer. Everything. But I cant drag myself out of bed to take a shower. So beer it is.
I think I just ate eggs off of a plate covered in cocaine.
I am going to dream of scrotums tonight, I just know it.
Dramatic love triangle! I guess mystery Asian and I will just have to fight it out for your love.
I just had really awesome sex bent over the side of an air hockey table. That is all. Happy thanksgiving.
Next time you're baked eat baked beans and potato chips together. Like dip them in the beans. It's so good
Can we just talk about how I wrote out all the stuff I had to do this week and for Thursday it says "drink and cry"? ...I don't remember putting that but it sounds like something I would do
We had to go. She called the bartender a thundercunt.
I wanna hang out. The cats don't talk back.
lmao he sent me a snapped but i'm afraid to open.
i think i have dick pic PTSD.
Randomize
