I just had sex in the back of an ambulance. Call me.
And my awkwardness continues. I felt the need to send him a text that said roar. I did it.
her cat was choking so she kept trying to stick her finger in her cat's mouth while saying "it's okay kitty, just do what mommy does"
And as far as being fat goes I just did like 20 minutes of p90x and now i'm eating frosting out of the container....
Put you drinking hat aside for Tuesday. My buddy is bartending!
I just puked in my drinking hat.
NEW RULE: can't hook up with more than 50% of the groomsmen in wedding party or it becomes wrong kind of weird. NUMBERS GAME.
I think the paper my teacher just handed back to me had one of his pubes on it, I'm way too hungover for this
Celebrated the veterans I suppose, my mouth tastes of gin and black outs
Maybe one day we'll get unicorn butt tattoos together
you fail at everything in life besides blacking out
I could teach a class on "expressing your thanks through photos taken of yourself in the shower"
Dude, I can't even reach my asshole to wipe it. I have a lot more to be thankful for this Thanksgiving.
I can't help you there
I don't blame you. I made YouTube videos of me singing Rent songs then slept with a married couple. Fucking tequila.
No, not if I told them not to. they listen to me. I have a vagina.
I gave him breakup sex, AGAIN
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