You can't wash away shame.
I can try.
apparently i was offering everyone ambien and shouting, it's only like heath ledger if you want it to be!
Just heard a guy discussing with someone else the amazing blow job you gave him. I’m in New York. Over 2 hours away from where you live. I have never been more proud.
This last weekend single handedly took me off the liver transplant list
I wish we could tell the moving van to wait at the strip club for a while.
I fcuked ip.
Is this your way of telling me that you got drunk in your office before meeting with your dissertation advisor again? Or that you finally banged that freshman fraternity pledge?
We had car sex in the parking lot of the dispensery while he blasted Tony Bennett. It was so fucking romantic.
I have the perfect view of a sexy blonde in yoga pants stretching from the shoulder press machine. I'll be here all night. So glad I came high.
Ur here with me in spirit. Now run free. Run free
By the way if you come home and I'm not wearing pants, just go with it. I didn't have the energy to go searching for some.
He just took a bite of each taco bell burrito and hid them throughout my apartment. this was 2 weeks ago and have found 30 burritos so far
You've never sent a girl a dick pic?
Call me old fashioned
I tried to prevent a bar fight. By convincing a guy whacked out on Molly to slap the ass of everyone who was arguing and shout "WOO" each time. I'm proud, surprised, and intrigued that it calmed everyone down so quickly...
Once again being low on toilet paper is forcing us into another round of our favorite game - toilet paper roulette - where there can only be 1 winner. Maybe.
The only way he could ever pleasure me is if he lit himself on fire and let me watch
I have 35 pounds of pennies. Need any?
Randomize
