I will be horny for about another two hours. Feel free to call me until then.
Haha so apparently that girl last thought I was you the whole time, and in the morning realized you weren't the one she fucked. Thanks for your help.
i think of them as a grilled chicken salad and a fried chicken biscuit. obviously Amy is better for me, but when i'm eating her all i can think about is how much better the blonde must taste.
Oh shit. The kids are pole dancing on a broom. It's like I'm seeing my future offspring before my eyes.
heres the thing, we have 120 cans of beer left in the fridge. until thats finished we cant fit food in the fridge
Note to self: the judgement that occurs when unrolling your last 5 which was used to snort drugs the night before, to pay for alcohol before noon on a Monday is worth just sucking it up and taking an overdraft fee.
Wait a min, you had drugs last night?!
Yep. How's your hangover?
It's like I fucked its sister and it's getting back at me.
I think I want to impress his gay best friend more than him..
Just watched a guy ride a bike off his roof into his pool. On my way to the liquor store, picking you up in 20
YOU DRINK NOW BECAUSE YOU ARE A STRONG INDEPENDENT WOMAN WHO DOESN'T NEED A DRINKING PARTNER
Remember that time I hopped home naked from the bar, then tried to convince you I was ok to drive you home? Good call on the taxi.
In reference to the club we were headed to our cab driver told us about the time he had sex with a woman on the dance floor there. And what do you know, they're celebrating their 22 marriage anniversary together this year! True love does exist!
So she was on top of my phone and somehow called my roommate while I banged her. I picked up and he congratulated me. I was with his sister. I will take this to my grave.
Told a guy at the bar I was hurricane evacuees with no place to stay. Just woke up at his place. God bless Florence
If I knew the person sucking my dick didn't say thank you for their Christmas presents I wouldn't be able to cum.
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