I woke up face first on my living room floor arms outstretched toward the christmas tree
I'm gonna get drunk and through up on the first happy couple I see.
For my 21st birthday, I require a kiddy pool filled with vodka. Make it so.
NEW INFORMATION meech found me passed out on a bench outside.
I don't save the phone numbers of guys I don't like. That way it's a surprise when a random number texts me and tells me I have great tits.
its not like i called off work either time for the purpose of tripping, it was more like well, i have nothing to do now today, there is acid and im only human.. but twice
mike is out of commission and cannot make breakfast. he's sitting with two frozen waffles on his face & smiling like an idiot.
I was so high the sounds of a cricket drove me out of my home at 4am.... Boo that fucking cricket
He said that he doesn't like skittles. This relationship is over an it hasn't even started yet.
fuck Derek. I choose weed. weed isn't angry and would never ask me to be someone I'm not.
I think if you have sex on the couch it will psychologically damage it.
sexting foreigners is the best. they respond with silly things like "love that tits"
He was telling me about how he's leaving on his Mission next week... While we were having sex in the back of his car.
- I'm finally learning to be functional when I'm high. I feel like this is a milestone.
I can't believe it is only 1:30...I may have to stab myself with scissors for an excuse to go home...
Randomize
