Peanut Butter and turkey sandwich...this may come back to haunt me
i am officially better prepared for a hangover tomorrow than i was for christmas.
the girls im babysitting are trying to see how much jello they can swallow without chewing...their future boyfriends are lucky
she definitely blew him on the riverbank, some lady floated past and said "have some pride honey", amazingly awkward
We drank a $4 handle of tequila until 5 am. Please think about that.
Got home. Hugged Mom. The look on her face indicated she noticed nipple rings.
I would totes be making out with random people in the name of america if I was at the white house right now
the welcome home hickey he left on my boob is really gunna put a damper on the rest of my thanksgiving hook up plans with the rest of my ex's
Whenever I walk away from the group without saying anything, NEVER assume I'm just going to the bathroom.
Random thought: what if being devoured by animals was a death penalty option...and you got to choose the animal?
We thought it was a good idea to send a picture to our HS science teacher where she's smoking a joint and I'm holding a monkey, and he invited us to lunch. NEW LEVEL UNLOCKED.
I can't. I'm not drunk enough for this information.
How am i even supposed to meet his daughter? "Hi, Claire, I hear we have so much in common, like we both love your Dad and also we're almost the same age."
Straight up just cock blocked my dad. Also this apple sauce is good.
Im so fucked up I'm drinking baileys and coffee just to stay awake.
It's 6 in the afternoon?
Is it wrong for me to wish my cat had arms to get me a beer?
Randomize
