it cannot be done, he is unbreakable.
What?
..he cannot be seduced..she had to have roofied him.
Details.
Dude you can't like a status about me getting hit by a car
Ok lesson learned. Don't lick the spoon when making mushroom chocolates. The kitchen walls are melting.
I am getting drunk. And i'm going to paint my face and slide down the stairs like Pochahontas. Goodbye
I did nothing besides stay sober all night, I walked home to find max naked knocking cups off the counter with his cock lol
This is now the friendly bartender typing for him. He wants to be on you. He is going to "destroy your vagina". Good luck and sorry if this woke you up!
I figure a girl that drinks as much as I do should always have pregnancy tests on hand
me + whiskey = a bad person
Had to decide between a hook up at the train restroom or getting to work on time #growingup
Just whatever you do, don't neglect the balls.
You're finding a boat, I'm going to sleep with a guy that lives above a bar and has 24 hour access. We are really nailing this adulting thing
He turned on read receipts specifically so i'd know he was ignoring me.
There’s nothing that says motivation more than watching these little geniuses on Kids Baking Championship New Year’s Day. I’m ready to fuck shit up this year.
Isn't it funny how we're still best friends after that incident with the old lady in the bathroom
You fucking bailed on me. But I love you still
as a guy is it bad that even my mom called me easy?
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