I just broke up with my girlfriend lets go find strippers that need rent money.
a kid in a transformers shirt tried to pick me up last night at work. he also rolled up on a bicycle, the kind with pedals. do i look that easy?
I looked up to you, until I saw her walk out of your room.
$1 pitcher night should be outlawed.
It was literally like being eaten out by a dog. That bad.
He hid IN a snowbank for 2 hours waiting for me to come home. This game has to stop before someone dies.
He blew a .19 and then slurred "well I did have some rum cake earlier today officer".
Texas State Troopers call you ma'am even when they arrest you for public nudity and after you've puked on their cruiser. Country boys raised right.
Carson kissed me on my cold sore before I could stop him so I think I gave my kid herpes. Mom of the year. Just call me MOTY.
Adults smoke weed in footie pajamas man. You just gotta accept me for who I am.
yeah, never be friends with someone with shitty eyebrows.. they obviously already make poor life choices
Thanks for the pic It's going to be lovely dealing with my boner while I'm in a meeting with your father.
So you let the Viking explore your nether regions?
Sorry for prompting a philosophical penis discussion at 10:45 on a Friday night.
It was probably bad to sleep with someone just to pet his dog right?
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