Did you just throw up mid-sentence?
You'll put your fingers inside me but you won't be my FB friend?
He just said "I made some changes in my life. The male g-spot is in the rectum and I wanted to explore that."
I just tried to pee in a pad to see if it was like a diaper. it's not.
You picked me up and threw me on a barstool and shoved shots in front of me.
Thats like the definition of a good friend
When are you comin back?
probably mid next week, depending on when i finish my remaining half gallons
Asking the cop for directions wearing a lion mask may not have been my best moment...
There is a girl on the metro with no shoes and she's using a Crown Royal bag as a purse.
they fed me a peach. i was laying on the floor telling them how beautiful they were
If I were you I'd use my green card to do more coke and less talking
I would pay to watch a Bravo special of you getting Botox.
I may have had several rum punches and then gone to the store and used European cucumbers to prove my baton twirling prowess.
He literally said from now on he's always banging chicks with asthma becuas it's such an ego booster
All I could think about while we were fucking was what Hogwarts house he would be in
I also tried to hide a bottle of vodka in a build a bear last night so that something that happened in my life
Randomize
