I should have known there'd be issues when he included "beautiful soul" in our playlist
three guys just busted into my bio lecture, yelled "happy st. patrick's day!", downed jagerbombs, and left.
Turns out vomit takes off spray tan.
i just had to google what happens if your dog eats your nuva ring
His parents had a bottle of captain morgan on the table for me when I went for dinner. I feel accepted
thats what you get for writing a paper after liquor pitchers
its only a rough draft.
Unemployment check just came in. As soon as I stop pretending I have morals I'm buying weed. Puff puff pass uncle sam.
I just put my hair into this ponytail & it looks hideous & really cool at the same time. I am dedicating it to the hangover I have
You were stoned out of your mind. We were eating cold cuts and you wouldn't shut up about how it was the wettest meat you'd ever felt in your life.
You don't know commitment until you try and waterproof a non-waterproof vibrator
I had sex on the roof of the dorm last night ... I feel like a combination of spiderman and van wilder
We dated for a month and a half. he didn't like blow jobs. I honestly don't think he was human.
Do they still have sex clubs in San Francisco? Because that'd be an interesting way to spend Easter.
I don't trust my subconscious. It sleeps with my exboyfriend sometimes.
Just a reminder- you dropped broccoli in my car and then felt bad for it and named him Henry
I know. I miss henry.
Randomize