sometimes i wish i had a whole other life to spend on youtube
I wish life was like dora the explorer where dancing pigs appear out of nowhere to solve your problems for you
why do guys feel they can ask questions when im blowing them? you'd think they'd know my answer will always be "mmhmhmhmmm"
I hope he's okay, but I also hope he shows up with an eyepatch
Some random slut told me I was a good dancer then gave me a handjob. I felt like fucking John Travolta.
I just walked by a party bus on my way to study. God hates me.
Someone just told me I could double date with them and their dog as my date. This is why the suicide rates are so high at the holidays.
I'm all about sex. But even I know there will be a time to retire my junk. And that will be my 40th birthday, or whenever I'm hideous
got blackout drunk at the conference and wandered around Minneapolis with a homeless person until one of the other interns found me...I think I'm ready for adulthood.
Can we please get on skype for like 20 seconds so i can show you my penis and the spiderman temporary tattoo that is right above it
My lunch = taste testing salsas for A&P. They gave me a free 64oz grape juice as a thank you. So, now we have something to drink in the house. So while you are spending all the money on breakfast rolls and pizza for lunch, I'm cigaretteless and whoring myself for tablespoons of salsa and free juice.
All I wanted was a couple of orgasms before work, is that too much to ask?!
Just had to break it to that one guy that I can't sleep w him bc he looks identical to my brother. So how's your morning?
What are you gunna do with your life today
put it back together
I'm one bad relationship away from owning seven cats.
Randomize
