All I know is it had something to do with a plunger and tuna salad. I'm done. I'm quitting my job.
so my doctor just swabbed my throat, and he looked up in suprise when i had no gag reflex. yea, he just judged me.
I need to move out. I just walk of shamed my way into a family breakfast party. There's no response when grandma says "where you coming from in heels at 9AM?"
So High I just made Cadbury Coffee. I don't know what it is yet, but it involves Cadbury Eggs and coffee.
with your vagina and my liver, anything is possible
He tells me he loves me and I say I just want him for sex, then he looks at me like I just said I hate puppies. What kind of guy is he?
Someone fucked up, the stop Kony day is on 4/20,
My tongue is raw from licking all that salt with my tequila shots...happy cinco de mayo
They filled a kiddie pool with lube and glitter.
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like picking cocaine boogers out of your nose at your parents house.
Why does 10AM Spanish always turn into a discussion about my sex life?
the universe is starting to freak me out.. ive now had sex with 3 people who were born on the same day..
i should probably stop doing things just because i think they’re funny. i’m not going to.
Do you ever wake up and realize playing beer pong with your parents wasnt a dream? Your mom really beat you
Step 1 was make out with him. so now we just need to come up with step 2.
Randomize
