I don't make mistakes...just understandable bad choices.
I've had that scene from "Parenthood" where Rick Moranis' character is singing "Close To You" to his wife in classroom, stuck in my head all morning.
I guess my mind is just wondering whatever happened to Rick Mornais.
She was so drunk that I kept trying to switch out her wine for water. Sort of like Jesus, but in reverse.
so they made cookies with their faces printed on them...I ate jaime...she tasted like poop
I bought a bottle of 100 proof for the storm. I am going to drink until I pass out. I'm taking bets. 1:30 pm is the over/under.
woman puking in liquor store parking lot at 9:30 on a tuesday morning = best commute ever.
Warning: at some point today you will probably see several pics of me 69-ing a blow up turtle show up on facebook. Just disregard them.
I think you're going to have to drive me to white haven. I don't know if my brain can handle having my mom drop me off at a strip club.
The sun and I are not on speaking terms this morning
I sliced my fucking arm open last night after margarita madness and had to drive myself to the ER. Got six stitches and a social worker came in and asked if I was abused due to my sex bruises. I literally had to tell her "don't worry, I like it rough"
Lack of response to this text gains you a half hour of freedom before I initiate operations to conclude you are not, in fact, comatose. You requested no mercy.
I have a terrible feeling that I made out with a fraternity last night
Definitely ended up doing Coke with Chewbacca in the porta potty behind the haunted house.
1 fuck you 2 fuck her 3 ur forgiven 4 im breaking up with her
Well I've decided to refuse to conform to society and be naked the rest of the day.
Randomize
