Literally 6000 elephants in my backyard.
Dont judge me. Him and his friends got me drunk for free, the least i could do was suck his dick
I'm on his itunes. He has a sex playlist. It's actually not so much a playlist as 12 Kylie Minogue songs with a big gay Whitney finish.
Oh my god I'm so bored. The virgin is so disinteresting when I'm not trying to cum on her face.
It was like being fucked by the god of thunder, he gained power from the storm. I took a Plan B because I don't think regular birth control will stop Thor's sperm.
I started scrolling back in our texts looking for context and a picture of your dick rose like the Great Pumpkin in the middle of my screen.
You're lucky you got out when you did, about an hour later the girl in the Franzia box started wrestling everyone.
We dug deep emotionally while eating cereal
No more weed for you
Getting "I couldn't find the front door so I climbed in through window" drunk seems to be a habit of yours
How long have I been using my debit card as a coaster?
I brought a travel sized bottle of baby powder and sprinkled it on all of the couples making out on the wall in the basement
First night of sleeping in the same bed, and she farted on me. I immediately excused myself and went home. Don't know if we're still together. Will update you.
I never knew it was coming. He was cute and nerdy, cute and nerdy, cute and nerdy, and then BAM! Best hookup ever.
I think part of my soul drowned in beer and/or jack daniels last night.
I might have to quit marching band. It's affecting my drinking schedule
Randomize
