I'm pouring my heart out in these texts and you're going around showing everyone???
Jesus knows you're telling a lie.
Jesus stopped reading my text messages when I started drunk texting boys to hookup
i might even pee on it at walmart i am so nervous
I may or may not be drunk driving a golf cart. Vegaaaassssssss.
It just sucks seeing everyone get flowers but me...
yeah, but they die. it takes a while, but they die. just like all of these kids relationships will. tequila doesnt die. its a live in the moment thing... like a valentines day one night stand. so long run, tequila is the better gift.
New plan, instead of sleeping with her, I'm just going to use her to sleep with the entire sorority.
He said finals are more important than getting stoned on 4/20. I'm proud in a disappointing kinda way
I honestly don't know what my boundaries are, but shitting on me is crossing them.
Help. All alone. Room is. Changing colors. Dance party 2010, but without dancing.
im already regretting the extreme lack of break up sex that took place
I found him with a guitar and his kitten in his room. He was singing a song he'd titled "you're a cat". Guess what most of the lyrics were...
After she lost the bet I made her get on one knee so she could "Te-blow me"
Dude, did you know, your blood is contaminated with over 17 non-beer fluids?
Tom just texted me he's Tindering from his hospital bed while they're running heart tests on him.
That's dedication to the game.
let me assure you that a rugburn on your forehead is the worst side effect of tequila i have experienced to date.
Randomize
