so now that im really awake i see that my underwear are completely ripped down the side, my shorts are on backwards, i have to go get plan b....i call last night an epic fail or success depending on how catholic i am feeling
he just had his sister send me a message about how he's not a creeper
Was his mother too busy breastfeeding him to do it?
the girl next to me in class is drawing a guy banging a chick doggy style...its very detailed
(917) i just came from walking.
haha you just came from walking?
whoever says they hate hangovers just doesnt know how to embrace them. i'm eating a mashed potato sandwich and watching grind.
i just keep taking vicodin and supergluing random shit
The KFC double down is way too much for a drunk. He was just staring at it in awe.
Its a bummer that corporate america doesn't believe in $2 u call its on a Sunday night
his apartment was in a funeral home, walk of shamed through a visiation in the skankiest outfit i own
Woke up with your brother in my bed...where do you want me to return him?
My doctor actually said I was suffering from an "acute hangover" in doctor's note I asked him for....what a douche
I feel like I beer bonged a ton of asbestos
WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU
MANY MANY THINGS AND MOST OF THEM ARE YOUR FUCKING FAULT
I wish so many great beards were not attached to even greater jerks. All that face sitting potential wasted. Some of the greatest tragedies of this century.
On the plus side, he ate me out and gave me an orgasm. But he also talked about robots during sex and mispronounced it like the dad in the goldbergs and called them “robits”
Randomize
