Your vagina is a self cleaning oven.
I am like the Mr. Miyagi of queefs.
if i see another status about New Moon, i'm gonna punch a baby
Besides, I'm not in my 30's. I'm still allowed to drink wine from a bag.
Umm. Any where really. Alcohol and boobs. Those are the requirements.
Handicvap rails on the toilet atre soooooo fuckin handy right nmow.
Dude, you were dipping oreos in vodka and asking people to try it, "It's so good!"
Woke up with your brother in my bed...where do you want me to return him?
I think I'm done drinking. How did we end up partying at a frat house with my mom...
Where'd you go last night?
Don't EVER let me photobomb a group of lesbians again. They made me their "straight mascot" and I ended up singing Donna summer tunes for beers at their apartment complex.
Am I supposed to get so horny by looking at your dick that I start orgasming uncontrollably
I just had a 10 minute staring contest with my dog. Can you come over?
Only I would get an underage 24 hours before turning 21.
Is it wrong to want to have sex with one guy who's good in bed before going out on a date with a guy I actually like?
I've never met a penis that didn't think I was awesome.
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