Idk man, it felt like my skin was a suit and I could feel it zipping up my side and up to my mouth. And then my head felt like a ventriloquist dummy's head, with the jaw thing..it was freaky, dude
You think that's a metaphor for anything, champ?
Shut the hell up.
The last two calls in my phone are dominos and 911. I'm not sure how my night went.
i take my contacts out every time we fuck so i cant see all the stretch marks
I have blocked the memory from my mind. He is just a fuzzy cloud floating with my other bad decisions..
I somehow ended up with a bottle of red wine in one hand and white in the other and would drink them at the same time. Ruined
You looked like my 4th grade science fair volcano project when you burped. Told you chugging a 40 would be awesome.
Got some good news and bad news about the hayride this weekend.
The good news is its still on, the bad news is we don't have any hay. The best news, if you drink enough you won't give a fuck that its just a trailer.
Well I tried to call you. I was convinced my body was made of wood. But the Xmas lights in my room helped
I don't give a damn about what he wants to do with his life. Personalities are for pussies.
there is vodka in my soul right now. The vapor is coming out my nose.
Having to grow a landing strip to cover the bruises from pole dancing. Thanks for the birthday present, but next time, maybe just a gift card?
Out of everyone here, the sober one caught the cat on fire.
Okay so how much boob would you consider inappropriate for smart casual?
I just woke up and there was a condom wrapper stuck in my hair. This is my life.
Didn't you sleepover at your grandparents?
Our sex is like an episode of "The Simpsons." Picture Homer choking Bart, and that's pretty much what we're into.
Randomize
