You Definitely drank the goldfish bowl like it was a giant margarita
I wish i could clap on, clap off my penis
throwing condoms aimed at his crotch probably isn't the politest way to ask for sex
You were hugging the toilet and shouting "don't let fatty eat me" through the closed door.
He's hungover and at the neighbour's garage sale negotiating a price for a tuba.
Most awkward car ride ever. Kid in the front seat was bawling, 2 in the backseat were ready to fight, and I was giving the last kid a handie. This needs to stop happening to us.
I enjoy it and I rock at it. I wish there were a respectable way to make giving blow jobs a career.
Well, thats the first guy to go to jail because of my vagina
Post that event on your timeline
When you woke up the first word out of your mouth was "whoa"
I was feeling the aftermath of his penis
Well there's a microwave in my yard now too. I fucking Bruce/Caitlyn Jennered decathloned that bitch.
Last night at a party someone grabbed my ass so I just fucking punched them in the face then went home and ate a frozen pizza
Does this mean I have to put a bra on now
I have a vagina. So i automatically win.
It was a fun night! I woke up with a boyfriend, again....
Also, two points for knowing me well enough to know I definitely would put the moves on his brother.
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