In similar news, my cock is bigger than the plane that landed in the hudson.
Overheard: "his girlfriend fucks him with the lights off. It's not serious."
lmfao. well really. it's not love if you cringe at the site of his anus.
i wish there were pregnant emoticons
:( I miss blowjobs.
This is probably the strangest conversational segue we've ever had.
I'm looking at pot farms on google earth. Google should be proud I found a real purpose for it to serve.
Outta milk. Using rum instead for pancake mix. Drunk Thursday is a gooo
we've been together for three years, and i still get excited when i know i'm going to give him a blow job. it's that kind of love
Lying on this bed is like lying on love and marshmallows and joy
I ended up naked with smirnoff caps on my nipples. Dignity is now a completely foreign concept to me.
I will be single by the day my lease is up (234 days). Plan accordingly.
turns out my ex girlfriend has become my most successful wingman. life is fuckin weird sometimes
honestly i've never been more attracted to you than when you threw up on my floor
you said you heard a baby, so i told you to go feed it. you came back 2 hours later with a pizza and when i asked you where the baby went you pointed to the pizza and puked.
i have a serious question for you... Why I am i not wearing any pants?
What's the weirdest place you've ever had sex?
I don't think you're psychologically prepared for this conversation.
Randomize
