I just looked at my iPhone gps history... "the gas station", "the park with a big scary fence", "the trampoline", and, my favorite, "where we were when we were about to do lines off a bible".
he thought he was parachuting out of a plane... talk about a bad trip.
i love beer. I convinced myself that I'm going to ace the exam tomorrow. I can't even do that when I actually study.
I have another pimple on my ass cheek.
I'll be there in 10 minutes.
The meeting is at the same hotel we go to for sex. Avoiding eye contact with all the staff there.
Drunk in a canoe getting pulled by a lawnmower thinking of you
Im just saying it can't be that bad if he drove himself to the er. We'll head that way when we finish playing scattergories
i feel like i got punched in the cervix. he's a little different in bed than i thought he would be..
I've never seen a dude bust out of his jacket and rock an air banjo like u
I'm sorry I peed on the bushes at your law firm. Is there anyway you could defend me for the ticket I'm about to get?
Owwwww. Yeah. I can barely move unless Im high on vicodin. We are bad at drinking/balancing. We will be the first to break hips and have to go into a home.
Did you put candle wax on my balls last night?
I'm sending him pics of me in my new lingerie telling him to come over and when he gets here I'll have changed into like sweats and a 5 year old shirt with ketchup stains on it
Knows all the good gay bars AND has a dog? Wtf can't I drop pizza on guys like that????
Mom saw my dick pic over my gf's shoulder. She told her she really should've had me circumcised.
Randomize