Forget about socially acceptable. Make me happy instead
How are you going to be there by 9am?
Relax I always go to these conferences hung over
You say that like it's a positive quality
He was in me and said I can't believe this happened because of facebook. MOOD KILLER.
well he has a gf so if he picks me up tonight i'll only him finger me
Selling Girl Scout Cookies outside bars for higher than retail value has got to be the most profitable idea. Ever.
That's the last time you suggest we can get our tab wiped by out-drinking the bartender.
It was my card, so what do you care that you lost?
Is your card paying for my plan b?
I think I've had 45 beers today though So things are looking up.
I was thinking more like a "sorry you can hear us, but I'm having the best sex of my life" cake
I think a girl on my floor is watching zombie porn. There is literally no other description for the noise coming from her room.
just texted my dealer that i could taste the blue but not the cheese. i said i could taste blue.
Possibly having a threesome with my ex boyfriend and his current girlfriend was great closure on that subject
How is it that I, the only one that didn't drink last night, was the only one puking out the car window?
Please come collect your inebriated significant other. He just sleep-farted and scared my cats. Please hurry.
Nothing says "i love you" more than flowers and potatoes
my favorite part was when you kept waving @ that guy and insisiting it was your cousin..and it wasnt and wondering why he wasnt waving back lol you were legit PISSED
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