He told me his mother taught him that move. What the hell do I say to that?
He leaned out the window to puke right as the fan for the ac turned on. All of it blew back up into his face.
I just wanted to clarify that I am not bisexual and had no intentions of ACTUALLY penetrating my roommate with a can of bugspray.
He met a random girl on the bus home and decided to go to Spain with her. The blackout decisions are becoming internationally epic. He has work in the morning.
i dont know what was worse.. snorting the wasabi or puking on the neighbors dog
You were jumping on the trampoline and screaming that you couldn't feel the fire.
Before you even think your day was worse than mine, I had to disinfect and and stitch another dude's penis after his prince Albert got ripped out by an angry chick.
I had another sex dream about you but it was very dissatisfying. As you finished you starting singing the star spangled banner. then you left. I was not amused.
Why can't people give useful wedding gifts...like sex swings or Nutella?
Remember when we were coked out at that house and we were trying to meditate in the bathroom? Who's house were we at?
How is your new roommate working out
We are drinking at the laundromat. And will probably have sex later. So...pretty good.
I'm slacking. We've been hooking up for months and I have yet to bang him while he's wearing the clown mask.
Beer and Reeses. dinner of champions
I felt the need to set off fireworks in the living room while they were having sex upstairs. Yes, they quieted down.
Just went to Meijer. Purchased furnace filters, fishing line, red lipstick and pregnancy test. And if my purchase alone wasn't classy enough, I took the pregnancy test in the Meijer bathroom because Im on my way to the bar and wanted to know if that was a good idea or not. Cheers to no babies!
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